Everyone's favorite bon vivant idiot savant is going to go ahead and direct/star in the zola story. You might remember the "zola's story", it swept through twitter like a motherf**king brush fire sometime in the recent past? If you allow me to summarize for time, the one lady meets this other lady and they go down to florida with two fellas and everyone has a great time. Great time meaning tricks are turned, guns are shot, and boyfriend's are cuckolded. Who else but franco could make a film about the most popular thing we all forgot about? I was just trying to figure out if he's going to play the african dude or the stripper chick. Franco's got the world by the f**king balls man, I'll tell you that. He's the kind of guy that won't understand any of your jokes but he'll laugh at them while secretly thinking they make no sense. At one point the world thought this fella was a serious actor. Hahahahaha. He definitely still thinks he's a serious actor. That's why I like him though, that despite-all-evidence-blind-confidence. I always had to work on something until I felt I was capable enough in it before I could find that glow, this dude pops out of his hyperbaric oxygen chamber just stunting. 

I've never really been into food "shows" but bronson is a reliably engaging personality and my lady likes these things. I realized I'm a victim of the times though when I saw bronson's name just now and thought "damn this dude fell off"... you know what I mean? just because I hadn't seen his face in around three months he's fallen off, like you've cooled off bro, get your f**king equipment and get out of here. Hahahaha. I haven't watched this one yet but I can tell you from the thumbnail bronson goes to the philippines* and eats a sandwich with mangoes and pork.

* I just saw the title of the video. The location is jamaica. The meal might still be a sandwich with mangoes and pork though. No telling.

This guy. With his first television appearance. I've noticed colbert is really trying to be the hippest with the musical guest choices. It's working though. The real performance starts at a minute fifteen but you should check out the first song to decide whether it includes an interpolation of the "spottieottiedopaliscious" horns. That second song is the sh*t. He even flosses a bit and gets on the drums. Musical motherf**kers love showing you they're musical motherf**kers.

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

I've been seeing all this talk around the internet about ranking the albums of a certain jayz. This I imagine will go down as the definitive list. I'm not going to talk about any of them because I've given this sh*t enough thought for a lifetime.

1. Reasonable Doubt
2. The Black Album
3. The Blueprint 2: The Gift and The Curse
4. The Blueprint
5. In My Lifetime Vol 1.
6. Vol 3: The Life and Times of S. Carter
7. Vol 2: Hard Knock Life
8. Kingdom Come
9. American Gangster
10. Blueprint 3
11. Magna Carta Holy Grail

There's definitely a trend post kingdom come. If you're wondering, I didn't include the dynasty album because we're talking solo over here. Now I'm going to tell you how to establish what type of person someone is based on which album in jayz's ouevre they think is the best.

1. Reasonable Doubt: this person is intelligent, really see's things for what they are. Has a slight tendency towards veering into self-absorption.
2. Vol 1: this person has a vivid recollection of at least one "important" bottle popping experience. Does a lot of talking. Might still rock a platinum chain.
3. Vol 2: this person has a hot97 tattoo. Would probably f**k dmx. Is definitely a good time.
4. Vol 3: this person claims to have always been a fan of ugk. Has their life together. Other than the ugk lie.
5. The Blueprint: this person also thinks college dropout is the best kanye album. Claims eminem shined more on renegades. Really disappointed in how the whole obama thing turned out.
6. Blueprint 2: this person knows whats up, there's some jams on that motherf**ker, jays rapping harder than ever.
7. Kingdom Come: this person actually read superman comics. Says they're "not a huge fan of music, really".
8. American Gangster: this person is tripping. All the time. Not the fun kind of tripping either. Probably spent their fair share of time lining the walls at the club.
9. Blueprint 3: this person never has and never will exist.
10. Magna Carta: this person is hella old and yet, had never owned a rap album before.

Montreal singer/songwriter/producer (also frequent cannonhead collaborator) The Youngness, formerly NKLA, just smoke-bombed us with a new EP entitled "Black Moods". This 4 song instrumental collection showcases The Youngness's elite production range with beats that will make you do shoulder dances while deciding if today will be the day you finally launch yourself off the Jacques Cartier bridge. Montreal winters build character and more often than not that character develops a bad habit of chain-smoking cigarettes with a perma-scowl usually hidden under racks of MOOG gear. In MTL that’s what we like to call “Un bon plan d’action”. For his last official release as NKLA, The Youngness delivers a pleasantly depressing soundtrack for a cold February evening. When the sun goes down at 4pm and the only thing you can do until you go back to bed is look out the window of your filthy studio apartment and say "F**k thaaaat sh*t, I'm stayin' in and making beats".

Count Bass D - No Time For Fakin' Produced by Madlib

Some songs are f**king classics even though you haven't heard of them. Partly because I'm the one who makes those kinds of decisions. Count Bass D is a weird character, a self produced rapper (out of nashville?),  he dropped an album in 95 on some jazz sh*t with live instruments and all that. It sank to the bottom of the ocean and he disappeared and reappeared in the early 2000's with the diy basement vibe that was the flavor du jour. That mf doom/madlib/jaydee sensibility, where it feels like it was recorded directly to cassette tape. At some point after popping back up he dropped this song right here, produced by madlib and with dilla on the drum programming. That last part I can't confirm but goddamnit I remember that sh*t. I also recall this version being quickly replaced online by a remix that I can't seem to track down now. Then there's this third version I had never heard until two days ago but I'll be damned, it's dope too.

This anderson paak interview is pretty great. Reveals the sad reality that when some people pop up out of nowhere, they're actually popping up out of somewhere, and somewhere is often a pretty sh*tty place. He doesn't get into any real nasty details but I can feel the chill of depressing stories through the screen. There's also good stuff like long sought after recognition and vindication and all that kind of sh*t. I don't know if y'all are reading cuepoint on medium.com but they got good things going on. They got this one story everyone should read by sheila e about meeting prince for the first time and her playing percussion on michael jackson's "don't stop till you get enough" and her being generally f**king awesome.

montreal montreal montreal. or vancouver? i don't know. I like this sh*t, you can hear the fuzz at the beginning. Even with all the spacey sh*t going on here, there's something really human about it all. Does the fact that it sounds like something I'd make factor into me digging this?  yeah there's definitely some of that, but at least I know it nahmean.

Oh sh*t. I've been hearing about this kid but sometimes it's just too much, you know what I mean? two new rappers a day, each one supposed to be the dopest one yet, and then you hear it and it's all the exact same middling crumb sh*t. All that to say, this track is dooope. It all comes together on this one.

You know with all the stuff going on between meek and drake, it really kind of makes me think about how similar they are. Or at least how similar my experiences(/relationships?) are with them. I smoked weed and watched drake grow up on degrassi and I smoked weed and watched meek grow up rapping on youtube. I have a feeling that part of what meek can't stand about drake is a sensitivity that he might recognize in himself, kind of like how marvin gaye's father was probably a repressed homosexual and killed marvin because he thought he was waving around his freak flag too much. Meek is a street dude and as a street dude you can't really let everyone know everything is hurting your feelings, unless you shoot sh*t up all the time. When you're trying to rap you can't shoot sh*t up all the time, rapping on corners leaves you hella exposed. I knew a dude once who loved the original "slippin" and I always clowned him for it. That may have been more me than him though. This sh*t is everything I like about meek mill and one of my favorite versions of future.

Go see this movie. It's on netflix. I couldn't decide which poster to use, there's at least three dope ones. This sh*t is dope. It's funny, weird, affecting, creepy, all that sh*t! But you don't have to take my word for it, here's jay!...

Queen of Earth reminded me of all experiences I've had listening to someone I was dating tell me a complex, multi-layered account of a rift between their girlfriends and how I would always tune out when I realized that everyone involved was somehow at fault. My responses would usually end up sounding like this. "I get you're upset that Crystal didn't invite you to Jenny's party on Friday, but didn't you tell Crystal last week that you thought Jenny was fake?"

See what just happened? You might have missed it, but In an attempt to bring light to my partner’s perceived lack of self-awareness and hopefully offer up a little objective clarity, I've instead just f**ked around and picked sides. Along with Crystal being shady and Jenny being a tool, I've just became the guy who should probably, "go f**k Jenny and Crystal if they're so special"

"Jay, you. just. don't. under. stand." Maybe I don't. Maybe these stories are told in such microscopic detail that it's hard to see the full scope. It's always scary when you can't see sh*t. I can cite a couple of examples of note: the worms in Tremors, sharks, Glaucoma eyes, and now with Queen of Earth, a look at what lurks deep below the surface, hidden inside the baggage of a female friendship. It's terrifying.

I was in Jamaica recently and I kept seeing these anti-payola commercials on the local TV channels at the hotel. It makes you wonder when you look at the reggae charts and see that most of the joints take a long time to hit their peak and tend to stick around once they do. This song has been out for 7 months and is currently RISING on the Dancehall singles charts. Even if Donald Sangster had anything to do with it, shit's fire. Props to my man at 0:53 splitting up the takeout container. You got the right attitude kid. On another note, I once met a white guy* named Jahmiel in Alberta. He smoked hash oil and said that all of his days "started with a J and ended with a meal".

*Editor's note: Lebanese?

This is my favorite song from vince's last album. It's the first joint on the LP which kind of sucks. I mean the first joint being the best joint is a downer, where are we going from here and all that, know what I mean? I got to tell you though, I like a young dude making the remarks about white people and the word nigga. These young people really stay trying to convince us something's different and we don't get it, like no lil' nigga, you don't get it!

Two of the most important things that went into a great lead singer in the 90's: Heartbreaking lyrics and apparent disinterest in singing them. Hope Sandoval is my favorite example. Found this VH1 performance while searching for "Guitar Players With Sideburns Wearing Berets". Mazzy Star was Lana Del Rey for drug users.

Editor's note: At first I thought, it's crazy I've never seen this, then i noticed it aired on vh1 europe. I think the world was bigger back then.